Suffocate…

For what’s faith without hope?
What’s love if I keep asking for a rope
to fit my head in this loop to choke?

I have no friends, I have no life,
When the people you call friends bite
and stab you in the dark,
Who’s going to bring you out of your
pain and be that ray of light?

I lost a mother and a child,
My bride, pride and joy,
Look at me now,
Years of dreaming, building fantasies
of what life should really be..
Family..deceased..I’m soaked and washed up in misery,

I wish there was a way I could undo
the things I said before,
The people I ridiculed, the murders
I am yet to attone for,
Lord please find it within you to
sanitize and seal those pores,

I’ve lived a life where ambition was always the motto but robbery was
the only way I could afford a tin of
Milo,
Where I’ve had to walk miles from Mankessim to the city,
Starved, hungry, skin sore and odour stenchy to the nitty gritty,

And I was given hope, I was shown
love,
I was sheltered irrespective of my debacle, pain and all the above,

I grew to understand that to make it
here I needed to be a man,
Be a cut throat, a shrewd for most,
Hustle with your heart even if your physical attributes broke,

Drawing up plans, scheming
business ideas,
I joined a fraternity to save my
existence,
I made my newest allegiance and
had them bare witness to my plight
and struggle,

But who could have predicted this?

That I’d sacrifice my soul for the gold,
That I’d give away the seed that I
planted in the woman I affectionately called queen,
For my selfish pride and ambitions I eliminated the only symbol that was missing from my ensemble,

The only piece to validate my journey
and legacy as one that would forever
be remembered in the family’s history,

To make things worse I dethroned
my queen from the family tree,
Envy and jealousy made me a feen fiending for materialistic robot
genetic dolls,

I only have myself to blame…

As I wallow in this pit of shame let
it be known I am disgusted with this
soul of mine that I own,
Spit at me all your vile thoughts and rebuke my existence,
It is true..I dread the day I was born
too,

For what this man faced, no one
ever has to duplicate,
Suffer the same fate? No I’d rather
die so you could be set free from
being associated with my tainted
name,

These bridges that have been
burned will take a next life to rebuild,
Until that day I swear to you I’d
rather be killed than be rebuilt,

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is
with thee.
Lord replace this soul, and let the
ashes and dust of this stained body drown in the fiercest sea,
Only then..shall my life and humanity have meaningful peace…

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