Poetic State Of Mind

The Pessimist…

No pity parties no dirges,
Its me against the world and only God they say can judge us,
I stand here today in the wake of my shortcomings,

I’m on the verge of embracing who I’m becoming, realizing that when the odds are stacked, you’re either a domino or a chip,
I’m trying to cash out my way to success,
Buy out loneliness only to gain exhaustible friends and meaningless relationships cot damn,

I’m trying to find that silver lining while risking the momentum and time of this EKG line,
I’m puffing on this smoke knowing very well I’m stabbing vapours through my chest,
An asshole at best and I wonder why i think lesser of myself when it comes to deeper feelings with regards to the opposite sex,

Like I said…I’m an asshole at best,

That’s why rather than being grateful for the littlest of things I sit here pitiful with hate,
A pit full of sour grapes when I could embrace contentment I’d rather be a snake,
Lose conscience of my concerns,
Dwell deep into a pool sedated with negligence and nonsense,
To where though?

In 5yrs where do you want to be,
5yrs ago I was living the dream,
Now it seems reality has become my grim reaper punching holes in my thought process,

What if all this is just a figment of my imagination,
Scribbling illusions on unfinished paintings,
Critiquing unearthed masterpieces that are already etched in history?
What if I’m blacking out momentarily cause I need the world for a minute just to hear me?

Some say its weakness,
They call you a “pussy” though you have no Caitlin Jener features,
My faith day in, day out is tested,
I’m a depressed soul and the preacher who’s supposed to help me let go is an addict,
Reading his P&P, putting hands up skirts and pulling strings from the offertory like I ought to be an atheist with all this fuckery,

From infancy we warned about that strange fruit,
That forbidden tree, the correlation between disobedience and dishonesty has left me like many others before and currently with an Everest of a task,
But by design we were built for this,
If I ain’t shit then so are the architects that built me up from a dozen thrusts, semen splatters, and egg whites,

To hell with this bullshit..

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