It’s been an awful while since I actually put down regular thoughts so I figured heck why not start again?
I turned 30 a month ago and to be honest, the days leading up to the day itself I wondered how I would feel waking up. Would I be sad? Would I be happy? Would I even actually wake up but I guess that was all the fear running inside of me. Fear of growth? Nope, fear of stepping up. Fear of finally beating my chest and saying it is time to take charge. Time to be the man, time to get yourself a woman and get…..lol wait, ok let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
I had a party exactly two weeks ago, it was a good vibe but to be honest I was disappointed with the masses I invited and didn’t show up. The day after as I laid in bed, legs all sore from the hustle and bustle of being the ‘super host of the year’, it hit me. It hit me that days like those were bound to come. That you would require or better still request the presence of loved ones to share with you days or moments that are significant to your life and you would get only a handful to come through. In short, disappointment just like death is part of life and the sooner you embrace it, the better days like those do not come as major or minor surprises to you.
I recognize I am at that stage of my life where disappointments should rather galvanize and fuel my desire to work harder, to be better not bitter. It is an evolution that needs to take place at some point and no compromises should be made. You say you are full of steel? Enough talks, prove it! Hence why I perceive human let downs or disappointments to be the least of my problems going forward in this new stage of life that I am embarking on. The popular line of ‘people walk in and walk out of your life everyday’ is not simply a line, it is an established fact, a way of life and I for one have found it at times hard to sometimes phantom the ideology behind it but then when you really take your time to think about it, it really is that simple.
Your happiness isn’t tied to the people around you, you are responsible for how you react to whatever energy they bring to you. Imagine spending a bit, not even a chunk, just a bit of your 24/7 trying to figure out why it is that negative energy is brought to your doorstep, or why pretense is the order of the day for some or why people do certain things in a certain way. Imagine wasting that precious time only to realize that you don’t control those vibes or energies they bring, but rather you control how you react to them.
Do you embrace them or do you push it away? Listen, I would love to have had a manual to live life, to understand why B comes after A and why D comes after C but to be honest if I did that on a regular I’d probably achieve 0.000000000000000000000001% of what I am looking for. Guess why? It’s not hard, life on earth is imbalanced and imperfect, simples. You are not going to be able to change it, it just is what it is. So people will come and go, some things of life will shock you but life will go on and rather than stay stagnant and ponder the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’s’, keep it moving, evolve, work harder, be better. These days are not for pity parties or sentiments, like a quote I saw the other day, “Nobody cares, work harder”.
I am looking forward to what this next stage of life brings me, I am hopeful it is full of joy, but more importantly I hopeful it is full of blessings as I also embrace my spirituality more and more. All I can do is to switch up, switch in and play my part. My purpose is yet to be defined but as long as I can stay focus and not let the extras get in my head, I should be just fine. I’ll end this piece with an extract from one of my favorite hymns.
Father, I know that all my life,
Is portioned out for me,
And the changes that are sure to come,
I do not fear to see;
But I ask thee for a present mind,
Intent on pleasing Thee. (MHB 602)
God bless!!
Suavé