Poetic State Of Mind

Fortress…

 

These walls…
These walls seclude my thoughts,
They house every ounce of pain my brain is hostage to,
These walls tell me everyday that life has a beginning but as to where it ends no one is privy to,
Coming from the down under my spurt hasn’t been a bed full of roses,
My growth almost stunted at every turn of the year because I chose to live life with no brake pedals and no rear mirror,
They molded me though these walls,
Lessons of sins and confessions,
Acceptance and forgiveness,
Hail Mary’s and canticles, when pressed I surrendered because these walls knew my strength,

Behind these walls my enemies laid, behind my enemies walls my siege mentality took shape,
To break past these walls my yoke would first have to break but I am ready AF,
I am about to hatch open into something great,
When no one gives a toss and throws bricks, these walls stand firm like Seth, the Dean Reigns with the Shield like hands of De Gea on the field,
Blinded with the veil of unsealed openings I am made aware of the snakes waiting to poke their heads in,
Waiting to sink their teeth in, rip in, till their venom leaves me staring grimacing at the murals on the ceiling,

The feeling is I can never shake the pressure of being great,
Can never balance the power of saving grace and being the devils advocate so I weigh the pros and cons respectively whilst these walls hold me strong but for how long will I hold steady?
For how long will these walls protect me?
My self destruction is an ego trip away and I pray the gods from Nzulezu and God come to an amicable understanding to the final resting place of soul come what may,
I pray my children cherish these walls like their mother did,
When the walls in my lungs cake and split I pray these walls fuel their fire and grits to tell the whole world about how much their dad was the sh*t!

 

 

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Poetic State Of Mind

Credit…

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I did what I had to even if I wasn’t supposed to,
Burnt bridges to get my message across so you wouldn’t feel this was a lost cause,
In the moment I sank 10ft just to find an open,
Just to create the vacuum so that we can find the room to blossom,
You were only concerned about chitty-chatters,
Your self esteem was in tatters,
My confidence was at its lowest but somehow I found the courage to stay on 10 toes, find focus and keep going,
You were all I ever wanted,
In my eyes, you were the Cinderella with the red bottom glass slipper I had always wanted to flaunted,
Haunted by your history with bad hombres and abusive activities,
Like you’re shitting me right now when you say you don’t deserve a life rid off drama but full of tranquility,
Easily I could have walked away with a resentful taste,
Easily I could have wished you a 100 years of burden and pains but I care for that little girl inside you that’s burdened with rage,
When you selfishly neglected my hi’s, hey’s all in the name of not catching feels,
Every other day your replies were sweet on the surface but deep with the tone of “Lord I can’t deal”,
I made the attempts to help you crossover the bridge into a new day,
A new age, can’t say I didn’t attempt to help you enough but you’re so grounded and deep being stuck in your ways,
When you finally appreciate the number of ways I could have loved you it might be too late,
Give your boy some credit, can’t say I never tried,
In your eyes I was never in the race, never mind being in first place…

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Poetic State Of Mind

Bulletin…

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Thankful for all the blessings,
Thankful for all the pain,
Blessed to see the sun today even though yesterday
I felt the heat of the rain,
The world is constantly triggered,
Bullets of truth from the revelations being shot at
us right from the heavens,
An atheist smirks and asks “what are you smoking?”
A Peace pipe offering and I’m hoping that his mind
is somewhat open,

Religion divides us in truth,
Patrick can’t seem to find the prudence in having a
truce with Abdul,
For him every attack is due to IS’es but constantly
contradicts himself when it comes to pointing fingers
in the eyes of the callous Christians,
We blatantly ignore the posts and signs,
Speed through life because we lack the patience to
grind,
Take away our lives because there’s less pressure in
death than staying alive,
Because we would rather rest in piece than rest-in
peacefully,

A wife loses her husband in the chaos of a war,
What debts of crime does she owe to this world?
Words of consolation salted and peppered with
feelings of negligence and ignorance,
Feelings of apathy, insignificant and degradable
apologies coming from a bitter orange, sour grape,
smack talking tangerine,

We’re living in fear,
My daughter is yet to be born but I can see her
already asking daddy where has the world gone?
Corporations taking the piss at our identity,
I will be damned if my black queen saw the light
in their exploitative fuckery,
My melanin is richer than gold so tell me why I
need to adjust the contrast on my tone when I’m
expensive as shit though?
How do I explain to the invalid down the street
that he has the power to achieve the dream?
With no hands and no arms but he has the power
to dream,
The vision may be lost on the surface but the soul
lies within,
You can choose to bottle your emotions or channel
your inner dracerys with no f’s given,

We all aspire to be history makers and in our right
we ought to feel the need to be,
Like George Opong Weah from bare feet, to laced
boots and now suited for the political scene,
Like the kid from Pata who teamed with a Thursday
gyata to take Africa to the world,
Pardon me,
Like the kid from Pata who teamed with a Thursday
gyata to take Accra to Paris,

We are some visionaries our parents are yet to
understand,
Gone are the days of the pencil, we pen our destinies
and free our frustrations in order to find zen,
We’re descendants of Mugabe and Ghaddafi,
Probably because we’d rather manage our affairs
than have others soak our gari,
I’m speaking to that prince who’s on the verge of
quitting,
The system is a trip but life’s an evolutionary school
so keep learning,
To that princess who endeavors to stay in a shell,
There’s no ceiling to the heights that you can reach
so shine bright baby girl,
To my Kings we are alpha males,
We’re supposed to handle our business regardless of
the fails,
To my queens without you where would our pride
and energy be?
Be consistently the fuel for our steam but be free to
boss your way to whatever you desire to be,

Time is indefinite and we have nothing to lose,
It’s never too late to brew up a storm,
Be unapologetic, keep it 100 and stay true to you…

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Poetic State Of Mind

Happy…

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All my life I knew,
That there was a meaning to this course,
Of course it’s love all coarse in the beginning,
When you’re searching in the deep ends
but can’t seem to find the answers,
Do you swim back?
Do you let go and let your heart fold or do
you persistently bob and weave with your back against the ropes?
See I was a victim of lost hope,
Spirit 6ft deep ready to join Michael, Bob and Whitney..I couldn’t
seem to find my way,
And then you came my way,
With your ‘men are trash’ logic but you bost my brain so I was
definitely going to fight for you to bear my last name,

I found happy,
She is beautifully made,
She sees me for who I am but she loves me for what I stand,
Loves me for what I can do, she believes in the plan and it doesn’t
matter whichever queer obstacles come in between it, she’s the fan
to my furnace when I need it,

The most unique thing about her is the fact that she stays true to
the principles that made her,
Same principles that gave her a purpose and drive to fight the
stigma of adjusting her beautiful imperfections; to fit in in a world
that lacks authenticity when it comes to remorse and forgiveness…
If I must confess I love how she finesses the bullshit like a true goddess…

I found happy,
She’s beautifully made,
Who knew a man like me could be blessed to infinity with something so
close to perfection,
I am on a knee stressing because Lord knows I don’t deserve this gift,
this blessing,
Yesterday I took her to a quiet place,
Stared at her and realized in the midst of despair and confusion I had
found grace,
Willing to speak but my mind was still at race,
All types of butterflies and bees, but when I finally gathered steam this
is what I had to say,

I don’t ask for much,
Just your love and trust,
Trust in the process even when we thrust,
Put your faith in me and I swear you won’t have a reason to board a 4am
VIP,
I can’t give you everything,
But I promise on everything I will give you the best version of love that
will never end,
I will go through hell for your soul,
Go through pain just to see us grow,
Seal this thing we have with a ring,
Honor and fight for our love till the very end,

She said yes after all of this,
I found happy and she is one badass bitch,
She is a fighter,
One too legit to quit for what she feels and that resonates every time we
kiss,
She is beautifully made and I’m proud to be her soulmate…

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Poetic State Of Mind

New Chapter…

She woke up today and felt sun kissed,
Breeze blowing through her hair like a new wave,
She woke up and the feeling was amazing,
Feeling like she could conquer the world,
Her coffee tastes like it was factory brewed yesterday,
The air smells different and for once she’s not feeling like she’s been shot with an ounce of nerves,
She’s a bundle of joy and the only nerves she feels are the ones that make her toes curl,

Months ago you would have found her in a state of limbo,
Concentration levels at a minimal,
Never at ease with the company of friends she usually keeps,
Pretense with her state of mind,
Months ago you would ask “is everything ok?”
And she’d usually respond uninterruptedly, “I’m fine”,
Yet deep down she was a wreck,
A wretched soul with a spirit shot off confidence,
She was a ticking time bomb waiting to implode,
She cried silently at night,
Nights when she missed that spark in her life,
She wasn’t any super heroine, she wasn’t made of steel,
Nights when her emotions were tested were nights when she resorted to kneeling and blessings,
On the mend after being bent by many men that only wanted to see their semen swim like sea men across her canal,
She was weary of their kind,
Weary that all men are trash she stayed low as her friends attained beaus,
A fine damsel in distress,
A smart, intelligent lady who failed to finesse when it came to the opposite sex,
she stressed days, weeks and months,
Again and again dismay and denial riveting into her scalp and leaving voids in brain she was on the verge of ending it all until…

Until that day came,
Her heart found joy,
Her eyes lit up as if she had seen heaven and her soul felt no shred of pain,
Love had found her in all of its glory,
She took that leap of faith knowing it was either all or nothing,
In him she has found her best friend, trust all be it not at the brim,
Head says “you’re bound to hit a snag”, heart says “help each other whatever the weather and watch your wins cap-in a feather,
Today she stands bold in wait,
Her mind tuned in to the perfect frequency,
Her head and heartbeat simultaneously beating in an uninterrupted RPB,
Her soul wishing for nothing but the heat of a like-pole to repel this cold it’s been suffering in,
Where does she begin?
Is she sure to find true happiness when trouble looms in?
Has weighed all of her options?
She perhaps needs to throw a bit of caution to this wind before she becomes another statistic,
So many questions yet she remains calmly optimistic that this surely is it,
Of course she’s aware of this being a hit or miss but what good comes out of ignoring the risk,
When you know you have the power to feel a love that comes close to perfect,
She is humbled and her feet are grounded steadily?
Once again the glass slipper fits the foot of hers,

She is gorgeous, 

she is ready….

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Poetic State Of Mind

Sour Grapes…

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These days I wake up on the wrong side of the bed,
Your side, 
The side I used to stare at with a backdrop of the sun in full glare,
You were here from sunset to dawn,
If you only knew how long it took me to get over these same demons we both worked to get rid of,
You were my muse, my escape from reality,
My truce, my peace with the present state of humanity,
I admit I came close a few times to raising a hand but can you blame me for being a Stan of the man who till this day I seem not to comprehend his stance of sending his wife and two kids off the playing field to the stands,
Words cut deeper than usual when we had that last exchange,
We were supposed to embrace our differences and make love in a period where love was exceedingly difficult to host,
We were supposed to build a home rather than be strangers in the homes of others,
You took her side because your pride wouldn’t allow you to decipher the truth that was hidden in her eyes,
Your so called ride or die who only wanted to ride this train in a bid to ridicule and put you to shame,
Same friend who swore to you I was a lame ass cheating ass was gassed to be tooting her ass right in my face and behind your back…and she had the nerve to preach to you about having class?
In due time you will come to understand that I did my best to resist her and why I placed her in a bin,
All I have ever cared about is our bond and desire to win,
To jump off this ship would be a crime I could never commit,
Yet you did with your ego and didn’t care if I sailed against treacherous waves and through the blistering winds,
I won’t wish you death,
I won’t wish you a life of darkness,
I won’t wish you ill-health,
I will however wish that your heart finds contentment,
It could have all been different, 
We could have been the definition of love but you seemed then indifferent,
Now? Now it’s too late to be,

We share no Common sense and Death Valley is where our hearts find balance and tranquility…

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Poetic State Of Mind

The Situation…

I can’t escape the allure of love,
What’s different?
I’m still that boy who can’t get a decent commitment and somehow all these women I pitched myself to either got married or pregnant so I guess this is;
the consequence of pulling down all my fences,

The thought of giving a chance was distantly remote like lost relatives,
I wallow in this pool aware of my misgivings,
Aware that I am not the problem,
Aware that my situation is not as a result of men being trash but rather women having higher expectation without a pinch of patience,
Why bother?
I too feel the need to acquire a tough skin,
Writing this piece currently I feel like my insides have lost vim,
Like a summer morning Beijing heatwave with no winds,
Humidity at the brim and I wonder if my needs will come to fruition in this life of sin,

I remember how it felt making ones heart melt,
Stringing words together just to appreciate her irrespective of background, tribe, religion, physique or the weather,
Those were the good days now even more I could fuck up a good thing,
I could fuck up a friendship without having shown intent from the beginning,
I guess I’m a fucker-up for being a gentleman and doing the right things,
So what sense is there in finding that substance that seem to make the world a better place to live in,
Misconceptions of an insecure mind triggers emotions of discomfort from within,
The blame game, fast brakes on routes that bear no ramps nor curves,
The prosecutor with some nerves has the jury thinking it’s the defendants fault for her coziness around him,
Yet the real victim sits guilt stricken in mind but not arsed in body for the wool being thrown over the eyes of men and women,

If I had a wish it’s never to feel like this anymore,
Tear up the board because the score show more losses inflicted by no fault of mine,
Helpless romantic I am but for the longest time I’ve been helpless to these women that don’t seem to have my time,
Women that conjure petty excuses in the name of “you’re such a nice guy, but you deserve better”, synthetic modesty is the new guilty pleasure,

I’ll be damned if I allow this to go on but my words lack conviction and my soul is a slave to this locomotive that steam rolls on,
My desires know no wrongs so I’ll be a pitiful bastard that keeps singing these sad songs over a glass of whatever concoction my liver decides to guzzle on,
Maybe some day I’ll turn my wrongs into rights,
Some day I’ll have the courage to fight,
Till then my lack of foresight will seemingly be both my strength and my kryptonite,

 

I’ve lost the plot haven’t I? 


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