Poetic State Of Mind

New Chapter…

She woke up today and felt sun kissed,
Breeze blowing through her hair like a new wave,
She woke up and the feeling was amazing,
Feeling like she could conquer the world,
Her coffee tastes like it was factory brewed yesterday,
The air smells different and for once she’s not feeling like she’s been shot with an ounce of nerves,
She’s a bundle of joy and the only nerves she feels are the ones that make her toes curl,

Months ago you would have found her in a state of limbo,
Concentration levels at a minimal,
Never at ease with the company of friends she usually keeps,
Pretense with her state of mind,
Months ago you would ask “is everything ok?”
And she’d usually respond uninterruptedly, “I’m fine”,
Yet deep down she was a wreck,
A wretched soul with a spirit shot off confidence,
She was a ticking time bomb waiting to implode,
She cried silently at night,
Nights when she missed that spark in her life,
She wasn’t any super heroine, she wasn’t made of steel,
Nights when her emotions were tested were nights when she resorted to kneeling and blessings,
On the mend after being bent by many men that only wanted to see their semen swim like sea men across her canal,
She was weary of their kind,
Weary that all men are trash she stayed low as her friends attained beaus,
A fine damsel in distress,
A smart, intelligent lady who failed to finesse when it came to the opposite sex,
she stressed days, weeks and months,
Again and again dismay and denial riveting into her scalp and leaving voids in brain she was on the verge of ending it all until…

Until that day came,
Her heart found joy,
Her eyes lit up as if she had seen heaven and her soul felt no shred of pain,
Love had found her in all of its glory,
She took that leap of faith knowing it was either all or nothing,
In him she has found her best friend, trust all be it not at the brim,
Head says “you’re bound to hit a snag”, heart says “help each other whatever the weather and watch your wins cap-in a feather,
Today she stands bold in wait,
Her mind tuned in to the perfect frequency,
Her head and heartbeat simultaneously beating in an uninterrupted RPB,
Her soul wishing for nothing but the heat of a like-pole to repel this cold it’s been suffering in,
Where does she begin?
Is she sure to find true happiness when trouble looms in?
Has weighed all of her options?
She perhaps needs to throw a bit of caution to this wind before she becomes another statistic,
So many questions yet she remains calmly optimistic that this surely is it,
Of course she’s aware of this being a hit or miss but what good comes out of ignoring the risk,
When you know you have the power to feel a love that comes close to perfect,
She is humbled and her feet are grounded steadily?
Once again the glass slipper fits the foot of hers,

She is gorgeous, 

she is ready….

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Poetic State Of Mind

Sour Grapes…

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These days I wake up on the wrong side of the bed,
Your side, 
The side I used to stare at with a backdrop of the sun in full glare,
You were here from sunset to dawn,
If you only knew how long it took me to get over these same demons we both worked to get rid of,
You were my muse, my escape from reality,
My truce, my peace with the present state of humanity,
I admit I came close a few times to raising a hand but can you blame me for being a Stan of the man who till this day I seem not to comprehend his stance of sending his wife and two kids off the playing field to the stands,
Words cut deeper than usual when we had that last exchange,
We were supposed to embrace our differences and make love in a period where love was exceedingly difficult to host,
We were supposed to build a home rather than be strangers in the homes of others,
You took her side because your pride wouldn’t allow you to decipher the truth that was hidden in her eyes,
Your so called ride or die who only wanted to ride this train in a bid to ridicule and put you to shame,
Same friend who swore to you I was a lame ass cheating ass was gassed to be tooting her ass right in my face and behind your back…and she had the nerve to preach to you about having class?
In due time you will come to understand that I did my best to resist her and why I placed her in a bin,
All I have ever cared about is our bond and desire to win,
To jump off this ship would be a crime I could never commit,
Yet you did with your ego and didn’t care if I sailed against treacherous waves and through the blistering winds,
I won’t wish you death,
I won’t wish you a life of darkness,
I won’t wish you ill-health,
I will however wish that your heart finds contentment,
It could have all been different, 
We could have been the definition of love but you seemed then indifferent,
Now? Now it’s too late to be,

We share no Common sense and Death Valley is where our hearts find balance and tranquility…

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Poetic State Of Mind

The Situation…

I can’t escape the allure of love,
What’s different?
I’m still that boy who can’t get a decent commitment and somehow all these women I pitched myself to either got married or pregnant so I guess this is;
the consequence of pulling down all my fences,

The thought of giving a chance was distantly remote like lost relatives,
I wallow in this pool aware of my misgivings,
Aware that I am not the problem,
Aware that my situation is not as a result of men being trash but rather women having higher expectation without a pinch of patience,
Why bother?
I too feel the need to acquire a tough skin,
Writing this piece currently I feel like my insides have lost vim,
Like a summer morning Beijing heatwave with no winds,
Humidity at the brim and I wonder if my needs will come to fruition in this life of sin,

I remember how it felt making ones heart melt,
Stringing words together just to appreciate her irrespective of background, tribe, religion, physique or the weather,
Those were the good days now even more I could fuck up a good thing,
I could fuck up a friendship without having shown intent from the beginning,
I guess I’m a fucker-up for being a gentleman and doing the right things,
So what sense is there in finding that substance that seem to make the world a better place to live in,
Misconceptions of an insecure mind triggers emotions of discomfort from within,
The blame game, fast brakes on routes that bear no ramps nor curves,
The prosecutor with some nerves has the jury thinking it’s the defendants fault for her coziness around him,
Yet the real victim sits guilt stricken in mind but not arsed in body for the wool being thrown over the eyes of men and women,

If I had a wish it’s never to feel like this anymore,
Tear up the board because the score show more losses inflicted by no fault of mine,
Helpless romantic I am but for the longest time I’ve been helpless to these women that don’t seem to have my time,
Women that conjure petty excuses in the name of “you’re such a nice guy, but you deserve better”, synthetic modesty is the new guilty pleasure,

I’ll be damned if I allow this to go on but my words lack conviction and my soul is a slave to this locomotive that steam rolls on,
My desires know no wrongs so I’ll be a pitiful bastard that keeps singing these sad songs over a glass of whatever concoction my liver decides to guzzle on,
Maybe some day I’ll turn my wrongs into rights,
Some day I’ll have the courage to fight,
Till then my lack of foresight will seemingly be both my strength and my kryptonite,

 

I’ve lost the plot haven’t I? 


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Poetic State Of Mind

Best Friend…

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I want to fold clothes with you,
I want to make you feel good,
Baby I want to do the right things,
Even if not in the right ways,
Because you’re my 4am prayer,
My 5am workout,
My 6am cup of coffee,
My 11am brunch of fruits and honey,
I want to be connected to thee so when you speak…
…I can feel your heart beat,
Lately it seems you’ve been working too hard to even notice me and I apologize for being late on your birthday that is unusual of a man of my pedigree,
I promise to make it up to you everyday for the rest of our lives from the moment we declare each other as bae,
Go to church with you on Sundays, braid and un-braid your hair,
Youtube your favorite activities because I want to be paired with you like bestfriends do,
Pound and eat fufu from the same asanka as you do and not have a single care in this world,
Travel the world on sea, land or in air and let the world know you’re  my girl,
Be the blue ribbon to tie you down like your pony tail,
Be the blue ribbon to reward your excellence, faith and trust in the process and journey we’re bound to make,
But that’s for a later date come what may,
On a day like this I just want to celebrate your existence, your mold,
Your beauty, from your milk chocolate skin tone,
Your…dreamy eyes to your gracious smile beholds opulence,
Silence me with your elegance,
Intrigue me with your intelligence,
Devour me with your sexiness if just for a moment,
Bless me with your love, forever draw me close to your heart,
and though we are apart I’m wide open to take a shot at your love….

 

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Poetic State Of Mind

I Am Fine…

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I see no clear path,
My faith keeps getting tested,
Father I failed you after my upbringing,
Mother i bit my tongue when you spoke but I failed to listen,
I have life but I ask is this really worth living?
While my friends flaunt and show off their success I stay low key envying and teeth kissing,
Why am I different?
Why can’t I get a decent job?
Why is finding a soul mate really hard?
Why can’t I gain some weight?
Why can’t I lose some more?
I’m staring at my social posts waiting for these likes so I can also feel like a GOAT,
I’m stressed and I’m in pain,
My friends and family look me in the eye but neglect me over and over again,
No one to talk to so I cage my thoughts in a cell with little to no air,
It’s rather pointless adding my frustrations to their already populated space to be fair,
Why should I care about a world that bears grudges with me,
Cuffs me in a state of confusion,
My soul used to be a pond of freshness before I got polluted with all these illusions,
Perhaps it’s not for me,
Maybe I deserve to be in a place of 0 hostility,
A place where I won’t have to worry about he, she, they or them,
A place of calm waters and sweet serenity,
They will never understand my worth till I’m gone,
Good riddance to you dear world, 
Dear universe here I come….

 

This piece was inspired by recent suicide stories…mental depression and loneliness is real. Let’s do more than sending “hey” texts, call someone today, visit someone you know, you might just save a life. Thank you.

 

 

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Poetic State Of Mind

Overrated…

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If my cornrows didn’t lie on this trey like Mario,
What if my roses were blue and your violets were red?
What would you do if I told you I’d been out on a couple of rendezvous with a few of those insignificant wannabe you’s but failed to highlight this was at the point where you had me stretched out like the elastic in my BBall shorts and all sorts?

I am no genie and my carpet is immobile,
Italian yes but not Immobile if I may stress,
So what if i confessed that I’m attracted by your intellect but truly in love with the push to start knobs on your chest?
What if I were a graduate with a pass and class rather than your ass of a crass boy with a classless ploy to make you think you deserve a certified player to fidget and control you like a toy?
If I pushed you into the pool to reveal your nude only to find out it was neither bjuku nor juju on the beat, curse that day but bae would you be mad If I asked why all those contours and yet your face looks steep?
If I lied to get in your dross, but at the point of penetration I hesitantly withdraw,
Would that be an L on my score? 

You see I’m asking these questions because you don’t get the fact that I’m stressed with all your suggestions,
Stressed with all your second guessing’s,
Like I can’t tell if you want a future or you want to get past these blessings,
If I left you hanging borderline between forever & always and go to hell,
Would you up and leave considering your emotions tend to fluctuate like ECG?
So what if I also grew impatient and called you basic?
Would you be mad if I said I wish we never had dated?

You’re just sitting here looking unconcerned and unfazed,
Playing with your phone like all this talk is gibberish and you’d rather be at home and I bet the guy you’re texting is probably boning your bestfriend but you’re here with me thinking you’re just flexing,

Struck a nerve didn’t it?

Here I am trying to justify why we should both be singing from the same hymn sheet
but you’d rather do a solo with no acoustics nor beats,
No you’d rather paint a picture of hell with me fanning the flames that you feel like only saints were heels,
What’s the point if all we do is argue and complain with makeup sex covering the same cracks we bust open again and again,
How do we ever heal from this pain?
If what I get for going through lengths and sacrificing lent to make this work is being branded inconsiderate,
Then I guess it’s true what they say,
You should only make yourself a priority,
This love thing is overrated…

 

 

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Poetic State Of Mind

Catorce…

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Heaven had no meaning until I met you,
Mother nature’s finest specie and I swear it still feels like a dream come true,
I counted my blessings and said a prayer,
Miracles were inevitable, having you was far fetch back then and yet here I stand in confusion of how you are right here,
I sometimes find it hard to comprehend what I have done to deserve you,
You looked beyond my flaws and my twisted virtues,
Looked beyond my demeanor and appreciated my upbringing,
Trust in my goals, regardless of how slow the process will take for us to land that pot of gold,

I am not worthy of this goddess,
Her elegance is far from modest,
Her intellect is at the apex of where my heart and soul seek to procreate a
love that goes further beyond anything I could ever dream for,
I was on my knees this morning, thankful for many things,
Thankful for many persons,
Feeling blessed for many dreams,
Today I choose to celebrate you, more than yesterday or the day
before,
My best friend turned mi amor and if not for anything, my wings of strength,
For what’s at stake, damn right I’ll go through lengths,

I want to braid your hair,
Give you back rubs,
Hand wash, iron, and fold clothes whilst you sit glowingly on that chair,
I want to be your handy man,
Mend and repair all broken pieces, your frustrations between these
Martha Stewart’s bed pieces,
I want to do the right things even if its in the wrong ways
I want to seek continuity and growth as you bear my yokes,
I want you to be my forever lady,

Clear blue waters and white golden sand trapped between our toes as we
cuddle whilst watching the sun go down low in its last dance,
And if I have the chance I’ll wrap you a coloring book with no problems,
The questions about x’es and finding y’s let me the one to solve them,
To say these things and yet be unresponsive and careless is an indictment
to us,
The horns have been honked, my sweet lady, hold my hand,
All I ask is for your unwavering trust…




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